It is September 2016. Life is good.
It was September 2007. Life was hell.
Even as I write this, I notice the heaviness in my heart around this time. How did I survive? How did I manage to get through to the other side? I could not understand how it came to this. Yes, I was far from perfect and I made many changes.
- · Life was chaotic and nothing made sense.
- · My husband and I were fighting and arguing mainly about the adult children.
- · My adult children were both angry with me and not overly friendly with each other.
- · Both children had threatened to keep grandchildren away.
- · My siblings were civil and not overly excited about seeing each other.
- · Even though my parents were dead, and I believed I had made my peace with both, thoughts of them did not warm my heart.
- · I had little love or respect for the country of my birth—Italy—afterall, my family had to leave because it could not sustain us.
- · I did not yet fit into the country my parents chose as for us to survive.
- · Family counseling seemed to only quiet the forest fire, and the flames continued to burn.
- · I questioned, how I could possibly be there for my clients with so much drama, sadness and angst in my life. I felt like a fraud while sharing with them what I had studied that was supposed to work.
- · Sometimes we were lucky that what I had studied worked for them, why was it not working for me?
Yes, there were many good times prior to this hell. I thought I had learned much because life was better than my childhood. Friends would envy my relationship with my husband and children. They even marveled at how we interacted.
Then in 2001 – 2007 life in our household was pure hell. So how did we come from a family that shared so much at the dinner table to this highly dysfunctional mess? Even though I changed my parenting style as a result of the post secondary education I embraced from 1986 to 1995??? I thought I had made a 180-degree shift in parenting only to realize that it was really a 90-degree shift because there was yet another huge learning that was beginning to emerge in North America. This learning is still in its infancy here even though the teachings are quite old and followed by many cultures.
What I also did not know was that the chaos was an initiation and an invitation to go beyond the surface of what drives us all.
Why do I, like Dante(1265-1321) label my life and yours a Divine “Comedy”?
Because the word comedy refers to works which reflect belief in an ordered universe, in which events tend toward not only a happy or amusing ending but one influenced by a Providential will that orders all things to an ultimate good. My journey involved discovering this “order” and when you research this order yourself…you will see that there is really so little new under the sun, however it is up to each generation to discover it for themselves.
What brought about so much change in the following 9 years? —A two hour introductory workshop at an Energy Psychology Conference in Toronto on Family Constellations.
(This workshop was followed by many other workshops with many more master facilitators of systemic constellation work as taught by Bert Hellinger.)
For some this work is a miraculous quick fix. For my family and I, it took 9 years.
September 2016–Life is Good
- · I celebrate 45 years of marriage to a loving and devoted man.
- · My children talk with each other.
- · We have weekly family dinners.
- · My grandchildren have weekly sleepovers and mostly like each other.
- · Although some unusual tensions have surfaced recently, my siblings attend an annual bocce tournament at my brother’s cottage while laughing and kibitzing with each other.
- · I am proud of my parents and what they have accomplished.
- · I have learned to appreciate the contribution of Italians to the world and even found an Italian Philosopher King—Marcus Aurelius that I like to quote
- · Canada feels like home.
- · I have the career I dreamt about.
- · I am authentic with my clients.
- · I can offer an approach that mostly works.
- · My clients inspire me and tell me that they find me peaceful.
- · I am comfortably living in a house that at one time I thought was too nice for me.
- · I am de-cluttering rather than bringing more “stuff” home.
Is there something missing? Yes, the drama!!!!
If your life is good or even great, this may be an interesting 1 year foundational program that can help put some pieces together that puzzle you about your family.
If your life needs an upgrade, then this program may help you find some peace and harmony in your life for as Bert Hellinger says: “Peace Begins in The Soul” and of course with Peace in Your Soul, anything is possible—even harmony in your family.